You might feel shy or embarrassed when you think about sex toys. That’s totally normal. Many people have felt the same way. Over the past decade, more women have started to talk openly about self-pleasure and sex toys. Surveys show that women now feel more comfortable using sex toys and enjoy better orgasms. > Remember, sex toy shame does not define you. You deserve to feel good and explore what makes you happy.

Key Takeaways

• Sex toy shame often comes from what society thinks. Knowing these feelings are not your fault can help you feel better.

• Learning about sexual wellness can make you feel more sure of yourself. Knowing more helps clear up wrong ideas and makes you less embarrassed.

• Fighting negative thoughts is important. Change mean thoughts to good ones to help you accept yourself.

• Self-pleasure is normal and good for you. Accepting it can make you feel more confident and help your mind feel better.

• Talking openly with your partner about sex toys can make your relationship stronger. It builds trust and helps you explore together.

Understanding Sex Toy Shame

Societal and Cultural Stigma

You might notice that sex toy shame often starts with what you hear and see around you. Many cultures treat masturbation as something secret or even wrong. In some places, people talk about self-pleasure as a normal and healthy part of life. In others, it feels like a taboo topic.

• Cultural beliefs and social rules shape what people think is “normal” when it comes to sex and pleasure.

• Some cultures only accept sexual behavior inside marriage, while others are more open.

• Media and religion can also set rules about what is okay and what is not.

When you grow up hearing that self-pleasure is bad, it is easy to feel embarrassed or ashamed. But remember, these ideas come from outside, not from you.

Internalized Shame

Sex toy shame can sneak into your thoughts and feelings. You might feel guilty or embarrassed about wanting to try a sex toy. This shame often comes from what you have learned from society or from hearing myths about sex.
Here is how internalized shame can affect you:

You are not alone if you feel this way. Sex toy shame is common, but it does not mean you have done anything wrong.

Relationship Myths

Many people believe that using a sex toy means something is wrong in their relationship. This is not true. Some think that if you want a toy, your partner is not good enough. Others worry that toys will ruin intimacy.
Here are some common myths and the truth behind them:

1. Sex toys are only for singles.

2. You only need a toy if you cannot climax.

3. Toys are for people who are not happy with their partner.

4. Using a toy means you have a problem.

5. Only women use sex toys.

Experts say these ideas are not true. Sex toys can help couples explore new things together. They do not replace a partner or signal trouble. If you feel sex toy shame because of these myths, know that you are not alone and you can move past these worries.

Overcoming Sex Toy Shame

Educate Yourself

Learning about sexual wellness can help you feel more confident and less embarrassed. When you understand your body and your needs, you start to see self-pleasure as something normal and healthy. Zoë Ligon, a well-known sex educator, says that exploring sex toys is a personal journey. She suggests picking toys that interest you, not just what others recommend. Take your time and listen to what feels right for you.

Many sex toy brands now focus on education and empowerment. They design products for all kinds of bodies and identities. These brands often share helpful guides and tips, making it easier for you to learn in a safe space. You can find blogs, videos, and online communities that talk openly about sexual wellness.

The more you know, the less power myths and shame have over you.

Here are some ways education helps reduce sex toy shame:

• The stigma around sex toys often comes from not having the right information.

• Myths and rumors can make you feel bad, but learning the facts can change your mind.

• Talking openly about sex toys helps everyone feel more comfortable.

• Knowing the benefits of sex toys can make you feel proud, not ashamed.

• When you see others talk about self-pleasure, it feels more normal.

You can also reach out to sex educators and therapists online. Many offer private chats or group talks. These spaces let you ask questions and hear real stories from others. You might even make new friends who understand what you are going through.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts can pop up when you think about self-pleasure or sex toys. You might hear a voice in your head saying, “This is wrong,” or “People will judge me.” You can learn to challenge these thoughts and replace them with kinder ones.

Try these simple steps:

• Cognitive Restructuring: Notice when you have a negative thought. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” Try to see the situation in a new, more positive way.

• Journaling: Write down your feelings about sex toys. Look for patterns. Are there certain words or ideas that keep coming up? Seeing your thoughts on paper can help you understand them better.

• Behavioral Experiments: Test your beliefs. For example, try talking to a trusted friend about self-pleasure. Notice how they react. You might find that your fears are not true.

• Mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts without judging them. Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that it is okay to feel nervous.

• Relaxation Techniques: Use deep breathing or imagine a calm place. This can help you feel less stressed when you think about sex toys.

Remember, thoughts are not facts. You have the power to change how you see yourself.

Practice Self-Acceptance

Accepting yourself is a big step in overcoming sex toy shame. You deserve to feel good about your body and your choices. Self-acceptance means being kind to yourself, even when you feel unsure.

Here are some ways to build self-acceptance:

1. Remind yourself that self-pleasure is normal and healthy.

2. Celebrate small wins, like learning something new or feeling less embarrassed.

3. Talk to others who support you. Sharing your feelings can make you feel less alone.

4. Avoid comparing yourself to others. Your journey is unique.

5. Give yourself permission to explore at your own pace.

You might find it helpful to join online groups or forums. Many people share their stories and offer support. These spaces can help you feel seen and valued.

You are not alone. Many people have felt the same way and found joy in embracing self-pleasure.

Exploring Safely

Private Shopping Tips

Shopping for a sex toy can feel a bit nerve-wracking, especially if you want to keep things private. You have lots of options that make the process easy and discreet. Many trusted online stores, like Adam and Eve, Babeland, and EdenFantasys, offer a wide range of products and promise plain, unmarked packaging. You can also check out Extreme Restraints for more variety or Agent Provocateur for a high-end experience.

• Look for stores that guarantee discreet delivery with no obvious labels.

• Avoid big sites like Amazon, since their quality and privacy can be hit or miss.

• If you want extra privacy, consider using a PO Box for deliveries.

• Use a VPN when browsing online to keep your searches private.

• Encrypted email or cloud storage can help you keep receipts or information safe.

Tip: Most reputable shops have customer reviews and educational guides, so you can shop with confidence and learn as you go.

Choosing Your First Toy

Picking your first toy is all about comfort and curiosity. Start by thinking about what you want to explore. Do you want something for solo play or to use with a partner? Next, focus on safety and ease of use.

1. Decide what you want from the toy—solo fun, couple’s play, or just trying something new.

2. Choose body-safe materials like silicone or glass. These are easy to clean and gentle on your skin.

3. Think about size and shape. Smaller toys or simple designs work well for beginners.

4. Look for toys with quiet motors and adjustable settings. This helps you control the experience.

Remember, there’s no rush. Start small and see what feels right for you.

Creating Comfort

You deserve a space where you feel relaxed and safe. Find a quiet, private spot where you won’t be interrupted. Set the mood with soft lighting, candles, or calming music. Keep some high-quality lubricant nearby to make everything smoother and more enjoyable.

• Choose a time when you know you’ll have privacy.

• Adjust the lights or play music to help you relax.

• Take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that this is your time.

Exploring at your own pace helps you build confidence and enjoy the experience even more.

Talking With Your Partner

Starting the Conversation

It can feel weird to talk about sex toys. But talking helps you both feel better. Try to talk when you are both calm. Do not bring it up during a fight or right before sex. A quiet place is best.

• Pick a spot where no one will bother you.

• Start with something nice. You can say, “I want to try something new together.”

• Listen to what your partner says. Let them talk as long as they need.

• Share your own feelings. Be honest but keep it friendly.

Tip: You do not have to solve everything in one talk. Sometimes, you need more than one chat to feel ready.

Addressing Concerns

Your partner may have worries about sex toys. That is okay. The goal is for both of you to feel safe and happy.

• Ask your partner how they feel. Listen and show you care.

• Talk about worries, dreams, or rules before you try anything.

• Remind your partner that sex toys are for fun, not to replace anyone.

• Go at a pace that feels good for both of you. If your partner needs time, let them have it.

• You can talk again later if you need to. You both should feel good about your choices.

Note: Using sex toys is about exploring together, not fixing a problem.

Sharing Benefits

Sex toys can help your relationship in many ways. Here are some good things you might notice:

• You learn to talk more about what you like.

• You trust each other more as you try new things.

• Sex toys can make things more fun and exciting.

Trying new things together can help you feel closer and make your relationship stronger.

Benefits of Self-Pleasure

Boosting Confidence

Self-pleasure can help you feel more sure of yourself. When you explore your body, you learn what feels nice. This helps you trust your choices. Many people find that good sexual experiences, even alone, make them feel better about themselves. You start to believe you deserve happiness and love. Here are some ways self-pleasure can help your confidence: You feel proud of your body and what it can do. You become less scared of rejection because you know your worth. You feel more comfortable asking for what you want.

When you let go of sex toy shame, you can start to accept yourself and feel more confident.

Mental Wellbeing

Self-pleasure does more than just feel good. It can help your mind, too. Studies show it lowers stress and helps you relax. Orgasms release hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. These chemicals boost your mood and help you feel calm. Here are some mental and physical benefits:

You might sleep better and feel less worried. When you accept your needs and let go of shame, you may notice less anxiety and fewer signs of sadness.

Enhancing Relationships

Self-pleasure can make your relationships better. When you know what you like, you can share this with your partner. This leads to better talking and more trust. As you grow more confident, you bring that energy into your relationship. Here are some ways self-pleasure helps: You talk more openly about your needs. You feel closer to your partner. You both enjoy new things together.

Programs that teach about self-pleasure and healthy sexuality help people build better relationship skills. When you move past sex toy shame, you make room for joy, trust, and deeper connection.

You have the right to feel good about your body and your choices. Many people face barriers like shame, stigma, and strict gender rules. You can start small and take steps like:

• Reflecting on where your shame comes from

• Talking openly about pleasure

• Exploring what feels good for you

Embracing self-pleasure is a healthy, positive choice. When you accept yourself, you open the door to more joy, confidence, and connection. You deserve it.

FAQ

Can anyone use sex toys?

Yes! You can use sex toys no matter your age, gender, or relationship status. Many people find them helpful for exploring pleasure. Just make sure you choose a toy that feels safe and comfortable for you.

Will using sex toys hurt my relationship?

No, sex toys can actually help you and your partner talk more openly. You might discover new ways to connect. If you share your feelings and listen, you can make your relationship stronger.

Are sex toys safe?

Most sex toys are safe if you follow the instructions. Look for toys made from body-safe materials like silicone. Clean your toy before and after each use. If you feel pain or discomfort, stop right away.

How do I choose my first sex toy?

Start small. Pick a simple toy with easy controls. Read reviews and check for body-safe materials. You can ask questions at online stores or look for guides. Trust your comfort level and go at your own pace.

What if I feel embarrassed buying a sex toy?

You are not alone. Many people feel shy at first. Try shopping online for privacy. Look for stores with discreet packaging. Remember, exploring your pleasure is normal and healthy.

Tip: If you have questions, many online shops offer live chat or email support.